“Korean Women are Sexually Conservative”

( Source: Naver )

As they say, first impressions last, and my own first introduction to Korean sexual politics came with a bang when the scandal over the Baek Ji-young (백지영) sex tape erupted in late-2000. The way she was treated by the Korean media was hypocritical and shocking, and confirmed what I’d learned at university: Korea was a deeply patriarchal and sexually-conservative society.

Or at least, as the “Korean Gender Guy,”™ that’s what I’d like to pretend informed my first year in Korea. The truth is, I barely noticed at the time, being rather more concerned with getting into my Korean girlfriend’s pants. But they also say that the best way to learn a new culture is to sleep with the locals, and what I learned about sexual politics that way was no less important for being so base: the books were simply wrong about how prudish Koreans were. I’ve been poking fun at the huge gap between image and reality ever since.

But with a nod of appreciation to the advice of this regular commenter, it’s high time to move on from that extremely simplistic conception of the subject.

Just like it is misguided to think of, say, all American voters as mere “conservatives” or “liberals,” the reality is that Korean society is both profoundly sexually-liberal in some instances and sexually-conservative in others. For instance: most Koreans have sex before marriage; Korea has one of the largest prostitution industries in the world; Korean teenagers increasingly dance extremely provocatively on television; Korean women are increasingly objectified in advertisements; and, overall, censorship of sexual content in movies is rapidly easing.

( Source: RaySoda )

And yet that combination by no means implies that Korean men and women are equally able to express and enjoy their sexuality in 2009, let alone that, like almost a decade ago, a female celebrity secretly filmed while having sex with her boyfriend wouldn’t again be ostracized by the Korean media. Indeed, one can argue that to describe Korean society as simply “sexual-conservative” is merely to gloss over its profound double-standards.

One such double-standard is the need for sexually-active women to appear inexperienced and virginal to their partners, and in that vein, this survey of condom use and sexual activity in Korea – probably the most comprehensive of its kind – found that a majority of them did so to the extent that they regarded contraception as entirely men’s responsibility, as I discussed last December. Either they didn’t provide it themselves, they didn’t insist on their partners using condoms, and/or they would even feign complete ignorance of all contraceptive methods.

Again, that’s to be expected from a “sexually-conservative” society. But bear in mind the fact that love hotels are ubiquitous here, and – as that survey demonstrates – are well used. So while this particular double-standard is hardly confined to Korea, it is particularly severe in its effects on Korean women.

In light of that, the fact that rates of oral contraceptive pill usage are extremely low in Korea (3%) shouldn’t have been a surprise to me when I learned it from this recent Korean blog post, which I’ve translated below. But while I was certainly aware of the scare-tactics used – for various reasons – by Japanese medical authorities to dissuade women from using the pill there for instance, and which meant that it was only legalized as late as 1999 (see here, here and here), in hindsight perhaps I was too optimistic about Korean women’s reaction to similar tactics used here in January. So I was taken aback:

피임에 보수적인 여자들 – When it Comes to Contraception, Korean Women Are Conservative

Mr Kang, reporter: “As women are actively making advances in Korean society, so too are women becoming more open and assertive about sexual matters.”

Mr Kang: “Today, we are going to meet Ms. Kim, a cool, forward-thinking woman with free and open attitudes to love.”

Ms Kim, caption: “I have 900 intimate male-friends…but that’s what happens if you’re as pretty as I. It’s not a crime!”

Mr Kang: “I will ask about modern women’s opinions on sex and love…Nice to meet you Ms Kim. Ms Kim, I heard that you have very liberal and open attitudes to love. Is that true?”

Ms Kim: ” Yes. I don’t care about men that leave me, and I don’t say no to men that approach me…I’m so cool!”

Mr Kang: “Since you are old enough, I assume that you have sex with your boyfriends. Do you take the initiative and/or insist on using contraception?”

Ms Kim: “Contraception? Surely that is men’s responsibility, yes?”

Mr Kang (gray text): “I’m surprised that you’re so conservative.”

Ms. Kim (gray text): “It is totally men’s responsibility!”

Granted, a bizarre cartoon, and probably one that detracts from rather than evinces the following points made by the blogger:

이전보다 자유로와진 미혼남녀의 성생활이나 성 담론에 비해 아직도 피임에 대한 인식은 무척 보수적이죠. 게다가 아직까지 수많은 여성들은 ‘피임=남자의 책임’이라는 구시대적 사고방식을 가지고 있는 듯 합니다. 한국 여성 피임 인식 조사에 따르면, 여성의 60%는 성관계 시 피임을 하지 않는 것으로 나타났는데 이는 ‘설마~’와 ‘막연함’ 때문이라고 합니다.

“Compared to the past, people are much more sexually active these days, and talk about sexual matters much more openly. But they are still surprisingly conservative when it comes to using contraception. In particular, many women stick to the traditional line that it is entirely men’s responsibility. According to a survey by the WHO, 60% of Korean women don’t use any contraception at all, maintaining an “it won’t happen to me” attitude.”

물론, 남자에게도 책임은 있겠지만 여성들 역시 능동적일 필요가 있다고 보는데요, 통계에 따르면 남자들의 피임 방식인 “CONDOM”은 피임에 성공할 확률이 85%에 지나지 않는다고 합니다. 반면에 여성들이 준비할 수 있는 ‘먹는 피임약’인 경우, 성공 확률이 무려 99%에 이른다고 하네요.

“Of course men also have a responsibility to use contraception, but it seems that women are not fulfilling theirs. According to statistics, whereas condoms are 85% effective in preventing pregnancy, the use of the oral contraceptive pill is done entirely by women and is as much as 99% effective.”

더치페이의 나라 네덜란드에서는 피임에 대해서도 서로를 배려하기 위해 CONDOM과 피임약을 모두 사용하는 이른바 ‘더치피임’이 널리 퍼지고 있다고 합니다. 또한 요즘 나오는 먹는 피임약(야즈)은 피임 뿐만 아니라 여드름 및 월경전불쾌장애(심한 형태의 월경전 증후군)에도 치료 효과를 인정받았다고 하니 여성 스스로를 위해서라도 꼭 한번 고려해볼 수 있길 바랍니다.

“In the Netherlands, when it comes to contraception people combine condoms with the use of the pill in order to be safer, and this is known as “Dutch [Style] Contraception.” In addition, a  new form of the pill called “Yaz” is coming onto the market, which combines a contraceptive function with helping to prevent skin problems and PMT. Women should consider this new product as an option.”

And I’m afraid that that is all, although it attracted a great many commenters, most of whom agree that contraception is also women’s responsibility. But they take issue with the blogger’s description of women that don’t use the pill as “conservative,” citing concerns about side-effects, to which my response would be to direct them to this comment.

Meanwhile, if you haven’t already read my earlier post on condom use and rates of sexual activity in Korea then I strongly recommend you do so to place this new information in context, and you may also be interested in the recent appointment of a minor Korean-American celebrity being named “goodwill ambassador for the Korean Association of Obstetricians and Gynecologists to promote a campaign teaching young Korean women about sex and reduce abortions.” This has many positives of course, but I’d echo Brian in Jeollanam-do’s concerns that this may be “a product of, and will contribute to the perpetuation of, the belief that Americans and Westerners alone can be open about sex,” to which I’d add the stereotype that Westerners and especially Caucasians are overall much “more sexual” than Koreans. Finally, for a very frank discussion from the front-line as it were (an American woman dating Korean men), make sure to check out Doing it Korean Style!

Update: Apologies for not mentioning Dating in Korea also.

Kim Daul in the Nude: An Unlikely Feminist Icon (NSFW)

( Source )

No, I’d never heard of her before tonight either. But the following statement from Korean supermodel Kim Daul (김다을), posted on her blog the day after she posted a picture from a recent nude photoshoot for British fashion magazine i-D, is making big waves at the moment:

seriously korean ppl
stop bullying me
because
u know what

i have a life

i dont owe you anything
and you dont own me

i dont mean harm, and im just happy to share
my point of views or what i like, its not to offend or to be punk

i respect korean culture as much as possible
im proud to be korean

sometimes i can be ab noxious i know,

but nudity in fashion can’t be considered ab noxious

ok did i ever have a dirty scandal? no
did i ever slut around ? no
is i-D porn? no

do you guys bitch when you see a Caucasian model nude?
a japanese girl nude? a black girl nude?
and when its korean girl nude, you guys get mad angry
and i can be blonde, red, pink haired if i want. im not trying to be anything else
i have every right to do what i want. if a white girl colours her hair black, do u say “oh shes trying to be asian”?

its so silly to restrict korean girl has to be a certain way
this is superiority complex and complex is not …. flattering

its 2009 , it aint the 70’s we dont have 11pm curfew and skirt length regulations

Korea is Korea. its not the world…

and before im korean,

IM ME.

dont be sad or mad because i change
people change! and move on! i grew. and i wont ask you to change
but i AM going to ask for your understandings.

im not gonna say sorry for living my life…

( Source )

Personally, I found the English in that a little painful to read (especially coming from someone that grew up in Singapore), and I’m not persuaded by claims that her blog as a whole “defies the idea of models as empty-headed mannequins.” But regardless, she clearly practices the in-your-face and hedonistic lifestyle she preaches, and the sentiments expressed above justifiably struck a chord with many. Here’s what Teresa of the Asian-American site 8Asians had to say about it for instance:

I kind of love her for this post.  I think it’s an important one. Kim pits the oppression she faces as a Korean woman against those of other women of colour, which is definitely problematic. Her comment on Japanese and black women not getting flack for nudity is especially troubling because it is precisely the hyper-sexualization and exoticism that these women face that don’t get them in as much trouble. It is “expected” of Japanese and black women to be nude and sexual, at our service and convenience. However, her points on the expectations of Korean women to fit a certain prototype is something many racialized women struggle with.

Unfortunately for those who participated in the backlash against her, as a model, Kim’s body is what is valued and put on display for the world. And that is the reality of the modeling world. What is comforting, though, is that Kim seems to have a pretty strong sense of her self and her needs. She is smart, quirky and kinda just does her own thing.

All valid points. But these days I’m trying to give feminist and/or sexual-liberation claims made of Korean pop-culture much more scrutiny than I have previously (not least my own!), and so I decided to see what the Korean “bullies” had said for myself. Unfortunately, I couldn’t actually find them: the total of 21 positive, English comments on her post with the nude picture as I type this for instance, was not quite the censure by infamous Korean netizens that I’d expected. And other than this shot of her in the German Zoo magazine earlier in the year, I couldn’t find anything about nude photos of her on Korean portal sites either, even after over an hour of looking:

( Source )

As pointed out to me by commenters, why would Kim Daul make such a story up? Granted, she probably wouldn’t. And it’s also true that many other Korean women have been harshly criticized by netizens for nude photoshoots in the past (both artistic and pornographic), so it is completely natural to believe that Kim Daul was also criticized for hers. Still, I’m reluctant to join the bandwagon and commend her for her defiant response to bullies without any evidence whatsoever that such bullying actually occurred, and I find it strange that so many people didn’t pause to consider who criticized Kim Daul exactly, in what manner, how severely…and whether even she herself might be exaggerating and/or overreacting to it. And it’s also strange that few seemed to consider the ensuing commentary from Korean men’s perspective either: why would they choose to discuss this incident with foreigners at all given the alacrity with which people have embraced Kim Daul’s rebuke of them, even though it may be completely undeserved?

Again, it probably was deserved. But regardless, despite contributing to this in a minor way myself,  I was naively surprised at what this episode revealed about how strong, almost palpable the need is for feminist icons is by commenters on Korean gender-issues, fashion, and pop-culture (and so on).  Not that this isn’t healthy and good, and indeed I’m fully prepared and happy to eat my words about Kim Daul if any readers can pass on any evidence of the alleged bullying of her. Nevertheless, I also think that it says a great deal about the intellectual baggage we collectively bring to these subjects that so many people took what she said for granted, and it behooves us to be more aware of it in the future.

The Grand Narrative in TIME Magazine

( “Going Down” by David Smeaton )

For the article in full, on Seoul Mayor Oh Se Hoon’s “Happy Women, Happy Seoul” plan involving the provision of such things as more women’s toilets and the notorious pink parking spaces, see here. Meanwhile, for readers coming from there, see #2 here for the specific quote of Lee Myung-bak’s for which the blog was mentioned, and #2 here for more information on Korea’s disproportionately low Gender Empowerment Measure.

I would also add – with no offense to reporter Veronica Zaragovia, who necessarily had to omit most of what her sources said or cut it to a few words – that the argument that “the plan may end up reasserting South Korean women’s secondary status more than boosting it” is also one that I made in our phone conversation. I based it on the knowledge that the pink parking spaces were made wider in order to better accommodate loading and unloading pushchairs and so on (see #3 here), which had reminded me of this post from Sociological Images about the images in our daily lives that serve to subtly reaffirm the notion that childcare is primarily women’s responsibility. In that vein, while the extra space may well be appreciated by mothers, consider that if I were to park in one of those spaces myself, with just as pressing a need for the space to deal with my two young daughters in the back as my wife would have, then as a man I would be likely either be fined or shooed away.

I grant you, it sounds innocuous. But place that into the context of Korean women having the lowest workforce participation rate in the OECD, the result of a combination of a lack of childcare facilities and an enduring male-breadwinner mentality that forces a stark choice between motherhood or a career, then the underlying sexist logic becomes apparent. Moreover, with Korea in turn having the lowest birthrate in the world, the economic effects of which will be felt soon, then one might reasonably ask if the money could have been better spent.

p.s. Apologies in advance for some light blogging this week; I have a conference presentation to give this weekend.

Unrequited Love…or Stalking? The Pitfalls of Dating in Korea

In hindsight it’s not all that surprising, but still, I find it interesting how much traffic my brief post on dating in Korea gets nearly 2 years after I wrote it, and which makes me wish I’d done a more thorough job.

In particular, I wish I’d mentioned how it is accepted practice in Korea for men to relentlessly pursue the objects of their heart’s desire, sometimes for many years, and despite said objects often clearly, repeatedly, and vehemently expressing their disinterest. Far from being viewed as stalking however, it is generally viewed as both a sweet and noble sign of one’s love and dedication. Indeed, there is a proverb specifically for this: “열번찍어 안넘이 가는 나무 없다,” which roughly translates as “There is no tree that can withstand being chopped 10 times.”

Not that I can’t see those sweet and noble elements to it, and of course surely many Korean women would exploit the practice, in a playing hard to get fashion (some more Korean that comes to mind is “희망고문하다,” literally to “hope torture {someone}” or to repeatedly string someone along and then break their hearts). But I think that the consensus of most Westerners is that if the woman says she’s not interested…then she’s not interested, and hence that the man’s behavior after being told is stalking, regardless of how sweet or noble his intentions. Unfortunately, in a society that already accepts women being physically dragged into nightclubs, then foreign or Korean, women can probably expect little sympathy when dealing a stalker.

This will probably not be the first – and definitely won’t be the last – time you’ll read about this on a blog by an expat: navigating different expectations when it comes to dating are an integral part of the expat experience, and in the 30 minutes that I have to write this I’m not going to be able to add much that hasn’t already had gallons of virtual ink spilt on it. Two useful things I can do though: first, mentioning that of all the guides to navigating those dating minefields out there, that this one by Michael Hurt at Scribblings of the Metropolitician is by far the best, and with many things that informs even my marriage of 6 years; and second, and which was the real inspiration for this post, that over at Sociological Images there is a post that discusses the fact that:

Various journalists and scholars have pointed out over the years that movies and TV shows often portray as romantic behavior that is fairly indistinguishable from stalking.

And then a video created by Jonathan McIntosh of Rebellious Pixels, who:

edited together scenes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer with scenes of Edward Cullen from the movie Twilight to show how behavior that is depicted as protective and romantic in the film (and book) could also be seen as disturbing

For more, see the original post here. Not that I think that the humorous stalking in, say, There’s Something About Mary had a profound effect on my own opinions of it, or that seeing it in pop-culture somehow renders real-life examples in any country okay…but still, the next time we feel a sense of righteousness and indignation about hearing Korean examples of it, it is certainly worth pondering the mixed messages that Western pop-culture provides (image source).