Whose Korean Line is it Anyway?
About five minutes walk away from my work is a Dunkin’ Donuts store, which I go to once or twice a day for coffees. Sure, it’s not Starbucks, but it’s either that or the crud from the vending machine in the staffroom, and if it wasn’t there then I would probably have quit my job by now.
Playing on the screen on the cash register there is this one of two ads:
The ads are on a loop, so…man, I must have seen that one about fifty times now. But always with no sound, so what I’ve been imagining the actors in it saying has gotten increasingly more creative and dirtier over time, and I’m waiting for the by-now very friendly clerks there to ask me why I’m always grinning so much while I’m waiting for my coffee.
Doing that reminds me of the “Film-Dubbing” skits from the comedy Whose Line is Anyway? (far superior British version of course). Here are two of my favorite examples of those, both of which happen to feature Roger Moore:
I invite non-Korean speaking readers to come up with their own dialogues for the Dunkin’ Donuts ad, and the prize for the best will be a free beer for the winner if he or she ever comes to Busan. I’ll tell you what they’re actually saying tomorrow in a few days.
P.S. I’m 100% sure that that’s Haeundae Beach in Busan in the ad, but I don’t recall a Dunkin’ Donuts store smack-bang in the middle of it last time I was there (admittedly a while ago). Can anyone confirm if there is indeed a store there now, or if it was just set up for the ad?
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they built an open set on the beach midday saturday during a weekend in…april…i think (it might have been may).
it was down by 4 in the afternoon, by the Paradise hotel.
Aha! Thanks for passing that on. Seeing a “making of the CF” video for this one would have been interesting, but whatshisface pretending to be a DJ probably isn’t enough of a star to have warranted one.
Sorry, but all that comes into my mind are two different and unrelated ideas.
One’s this one, in a loud and fast voice:
(DJ salutes): “This is Trans-V Report!”
(Product shot): “Thanks to Dunkin Donuts who provided us with observation space…
(Pencil gesture): “What happens…”
(Cut to couple) “When Jung Hoon, a transvestite…”
(Cut to woman passing by) “… sees this girl in her hot new outfit who is employed by MBC of course to flush out the weirdo girlyman?”
(Man shows interest): [new male voice, whispery]: “I simply must tie my shirt up and get some shorts like…”
(DJ blabs): “Yes, his fondest dream is to don hot pants and a padded bra like his girlfriend’s. But he’s not gay!”
(Girlfriend chides): “You gayboy! You promised!”
(VOICEOVER while DJ drinks slushie and makes a face): This slushie has soju in it. It’s much better this way.
(On surfboard:) “Crossdressers beware: MBC is on the hunt! And that’s it for Trans-V Hunt. See you next week at Cheong Wa Dae…”
(Guy throwing up his scripts:) VOICEOVER: “…where we have a special surprise for you!”
It’s a bit crammed, but that’s a short ad.
The other is more incoherent, and focused on the effects of this brand new eel slushie as an aphrodisiac, but the voiceover is essentially in the style of one of those drug ads you see on American (and other?) TV sometimes, going something like,
“Do you feel impotent, like this nerd pretending to be a DJ? Can’t get it up? Maybe it’s time to try out new powdered eel slushie additive, now available wherever insecure guys hang out, like at Dunkin Donuts. The eel may cause infidelity, constant erections that cannot be sated except in a red light district, a thirst for bokbunjaju, and possible relationship problems. Powdered eel additive may taste odd in some brands of slushie. Please see your mudang, oriental medical specialist, or other charlatan quack if these or any other problems arise. Take control of your sex life once more. It’s as easy as E-E-L.”
By the way — man do I not envy you. The coffee at Dunkin Donuts, last time I tried… argh! I’d have quit your job long ago. Or maybe brought in an espresso machine for my desk if there’s a plug about, or started packing decent coffee into a thermos or something. But then, since I got an espresso machine in my home, I’ve been picky.
Actually, even without a plug around, you can get a French press and a bottle of sweetened condensed milk. Put too much coffee — very fine ground, like dust — into the French press, dump hot water in, and let it sit too long. Stir in the sweetened condensed milk. That’s Lao coffee, basically, and that is some badass stuff. I don’t have it too often, but I know you can make passable coffee with a French press and hot water from a those ubiquitous water purifier machines, as long as your employer hasn’t turned off the hot taps on them.
Just saying. :)
Just on the french press note: Do you really want to use fine ground coffee in a french press? Does Lao coffee mean drinking sludge? I mean, cool, but, really? I say keep it clear and ground the beans as coarse as possible. btw, I’m looking to buy a french press somewhere here in Seoul. (I am the n00b) Thoughts?
Gord, even if you weren’t the only entrant, I’m sure you would have won hands down; that first one was quite funny. You may pick up your prize at your convenience.
I hear you about the Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, but it’s tolerable, beggars can’t be choosers, and the older I get the less pretentious I get about my coffee (not that I’m not still pretentious as a whole). Seeing as how I’m allergic to milk and not able to smother the taste of bad coffee with it then I learned to test for a coffee’s quality by if I needed sugar to drink it or not, and not so long ago could wax lyrical about different brands and branches of coffee chains around Busan. But still, I could never quite stomach espressos, and since Starbucks Korea started selling soy milk (only a good 5-10 years behind Japan) then I’ve thrown all my refinement and civilization to the wind.
Kevin,
Yup, Lao coffee means you need some sludge. That’s how it is. A good French press keeps most of it out, though.
You can get a French press at most Starbucks outlets, and also at a fair number of grocery stories. Homeplus seems to carry them more than Emart, but I’ve seen them at both.
James,
Yay, beer. I’ll see you later this summer, I imagine. :) Having an espresso machine at home, and Lime (who happily orders fresh-roast beans for us), I’m spoilt, but I also drink Smokebucks coffee when it’s easier. Hell, we did when we met, didn’t we? I do the lowfat milk instead of soy, though.
Kevin, sorry, I’m so out of the loop these days that I didn’t know what a french press was. I call them plungers myself, and like Gord says you can buy them virtually anywhere. I got my Bodum one at Megamart myself.
Gord,, great and make sure to let me know your preferences before you arrive. :) Speaking of coffee though, I’ve always wondered about the correlation between perceived taste and expense of it, especially as there is a definite correlation in the case of wine. I used to worry that I was overdoing the pretension when I bought my 15,000 won (the cheapest) ground beans from Starbucks every 2 weeks or so, and so once stooped to buy some stuff for 9000 won from Megamart, but I literally threw up after drinking the stuff.
As for Soy, most milk drinkers don’t like it and I understand, as it tastes nothing like milk, but you don’t miss milk if you’ve avoided all mik products for 32 years!
Gord and James, thanks for the information. Coffee prices here are outrageous. I know those markups aren’t for the coffee farmers, who are literally starving to death. For every store Starbucks closes in the states, they should open one up here…goodness.
These are fair trade prices without the fair trade…
Btw, I’ve started a little blog; kevinsbigblog.wordpress.com
Kevin, you’re welcome, and you may be interested in this earlier post with an international comparison of Starbucks prices, and coffee culture in Korea in general (I warn you it’s a bit waffly though).
I usually buy the Fair Trade coffee at Starbucks, but I see it available less and less these days.
Nice little blog you have there as well, and I look forward to reading more. But I recommend putting the address of it in the space for it when you make comments on other peoples’ posts (it’s under the spaces for your name and email address). It’s a good way of advertising your blog, and now that I’ve done that for you with that last comment you’ll notice that if you click on your name it goes direct to your blog.
There’s other fair trade coffee available in Korea, too… I buy the one pictured in this article at the little (gawk!) Fair Trade coffeeshop just off campus. The beans are okay, but not fresh-roasted, so, well, anyway…
Eeek, this article. Sorry about the dead link above.
[...] And for those wondering, since I’ll be in Korea, with relatively more free time than usual even with the write-a-thon going on, I’ll be organizing and uploading some archives of pics to Flickr, posting more about my research in SF literature and movies in the context of Korea and other adjacent countries, and (while working on articles and the Write-a-thon at the same time) expanding my research into the area of the Gin Craze (in the 1700s, in London) and the many parallels I have begun to find to exist between it and modern Korean culture’s relationship to soju, as requested by our good friend James at The Grand Narrative. Who, by the way, has a funny contest on, which could earn you a beer next time you’re in Busan… that’s here. [...]