The Grand Narrative

Why all this focus on Lee Hyori? Well in case you’ve just come to the blog and haven’t seen the last post…

…then I rest my case on that heavenly stomach alone.

Seriously though, to me Lee Hyori is not the sexiest woman alive because of the photos per se, but because to me she personifies everything I love about Korean women, including my wife. No, for those of you who still have some blood left in your head, that is not a preemptive defense of all the no doubt numerous sexist and racist generalisations below. I really do genuinely think this, but you’ll have to bear with me to understand why.

Lee Hyori is arguably the most well-known celebrity in Korea, but probably much less well-known outside of Korea than the teenage singer BoA (pictures here), or even Kim Yunjin/김윤진 from Lost. So she’s only a national treasure phenomenon, and in the end not too much more prominent than her male equivalents or any other celebrities in Korea. Korea has perhaps rather less of them than you’d expect for a country of 48 million, but there’s still enough to make observations about public perceptions of them, and compare those with other countries. As it turns out, its not just like America or England toned down because of Korea’s conservatism; in fact its almost the polar opposite.

As an American friend put it, in America the drug-fuelled orgies and antics of celebrities are not so much tolerated by the legal system as positively encouraged by society at large. The same is arguably true of all Western countries, with the same ethos but to a lesser degree than America’s extremes.  In Korea though, I can’t think of any gossip mags available in newsagents, and the few tabloid newspapers available are very sad-looking. Here are some available at a subway station, with the good newspapers on the top and the tabloids rarely changed and gathering dust at the front:

This relative lack of tabloids is possibly because many Koreans (especially netizens, not that they should be taken as representative) equate the person with his or her characters on TV, and not only give harsh judgement to anyone who behaves contrary to them, such as Hwang Su-Jeong/황수정 did when she took some speed in 2002, but treat much more severely than they would a non-celebrity, which is what happened to (then) up-and-coming singer Baek Ji-Young/백지영, who ex-manager had secretly filmed them having sex years earlier and then posted online, jealous and vindictive over her success. Not only did squat happen to him for it, but it didn’t quite give the boost to her career that Pamela Anderson’s video did for her, instead effectively ruining it (see here and here). So the tabloids don’t have as much material.

These are the bad points of Korean’s attitudes towards celebrities, although of course there are other factors involved: in Hwang’s case Korea’s 1950s-esque attitudes towards drugs played a role, in a country with some of the highest drinking and smoking rates in the world; and in Beak’s case the sexism was pretty blatant too of course…I mean, all she did was have sex as a consenting adult, and in a country with one the biggest sex industries in the world. Christ. But there are actually also good aspects to not effectively imagining celebrities to be in an alternative universe where anything goes, and that is a down-to-earthness and accesibility to Korean celebrities that Western countries largely lack.

(Never fear, for this guy protects Busan from drugs)

In Korea, minor but aspiring celebrities seem to have to go through a years-long rite of passage of attendance on Korean comedy shows before eventually they get enough recognition to move onto to better things. Some never seem to break through of the Korean comedy circuit, at least in the 7 years I’ve been here. And Korean comedy is very very slapstick, a lot of shows consisting of nothing more than all the said celebrities standing around in gym gear before having to do tasks like unrolling toilet rolls with their teeth, hands behind their back. A popular example is X-Men/X맨, 90% of which is them all prancing around like this:

All very motivating for the aspiring Shakesperean Actress, I’m sure.

But the best example of a show like this is “Happy Together”, which is really two shows in one: 쟁반노래방, and 쟁반극장, which literally translate as “tray karaoke” and “tray theater”. These names need some explaining, yes. But here are two quick clips of the first to get you started:

Okay, maybe you do need an explanation before you watch those. Basically, the hosts and 3 other celebrities dress up in school uniforms of the style of 30 years ago, get into a room made of egg-cartons, memorise an ancient obscure folk song that 99% of Koreans have never heard of and never will again, and then have about 10 or so attempts to sing the lines out one-by-one without making a mistake, and if they do they win a cash prize that is donated to charity. And oh, yes, if they do make a mistake stage hands drop trays on everybody’s heads. Get it?

If not, the crucial point is that that is Lee Hyori in both of them, for she was the co-host until 2 years ago when she left to focus on her music again. Yes, the same dancer who had you all having cold-showers after you saw my last post. Yes, that means that the most famous person in Korea, and other celebrities with her, every Sunday get on TV and have trays dropped on their heads.

Can you simply image an American equivalent, with Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts say, hosting a show where they dress up in 1950s clothes (in the absence of school uniforms), getting into a set that looks like it was made by 9-year olds, that week having Brad Pitt, Madonna, and Tom Jones as quests, then all sitting there memorising and talking about the words to old 18th Century folk songs, before finally being hit in the head with huge metal trays if they mispronounce lines such as “Thees is thine ode to the pastures of the humble ville of Glenfidditch along yonder bonney vale”…??

Koreans rightly find their show hilarious, but don’t realise how unique it is and how it should be considered one of their greatest cultural assets. And it is the mindset that goes with it that reminds us expats of why we stay. I kid you not.

So where does Lee Hyori as the supposed flag-bearer of all that is good and holy about Korean womenhood fit into this? Again, I have to build up to my point.

Anyone here longer than a few weeks will realise that most Korean 20-somethings are somewhat childish. I will go into this in much greater depth in another post soon (here), but I’d argue that it is so palpably true that you can almost take it as a given that all expats here think so too, even the 21 year-olds. Briefly, this does not mean that they are stupid; it is a natural consequence of the sleep and free-time deprived hellhole that studying for the University entrance exam turns high-school and even middle school here. Unlike Western teenagers of 15 and 16, who at that age do normal teenage stuff like sleep, have hobbies, go on dates, be a geek and play computer games all day, and/or spend inordinate amounts of time on acting cute and or looking pretty, Koreans have no chance to time for any of this until they are freshmen, and boy do they make the most of it when they finally have the chance. And, like I’ll explain in the post on this exact issue soon (link here when it’s up), having this teenage mindset in their 20s is reinforced by the economic realities in Korea that force children to stay at home until they are married, and the adoption of psychological and social mechanisms for coping with doing so…

Which is a roundabout way of saying that there are a lot of 24 year-old women in Korea that behave like 16 year-olds. If they’re hot, it can be tolerated for a loooong time. And we’ve already established that Korean women are hot (Doesn’t work so much with the guys somehow… all the above about looking pretty applies to both sexes). But not forever, and unfortunately many Korean women in their mid-20s never grow out of this phase, or not quickly enough, as learning to put up with living with their parents for 5 years means that they don’t feel any sudden rush to do so once they graduate and have the money (this is why living at home is considered “Korean culture”, but I’ll restrain myself until a later post). And this norm of cutesy but passive and ineffectual women needing a man to save them is, with a few important exceptions, de rigeur for Korean television.

But many Korean woman do break out of this mold and end up as ambitious, smart and saavy as their Western counterparts. But in addition to their hotness (did I mention that?), they still have these 5+ years of honing their skills of behaving like cute as hell teenagers, and know when its appropriate to use them. The combination is simply amazing, and its the fact that so many women here have it that makes guys here tend to settle down and get married.

And as my wife admits, Lee Hyori does this better than any women anyone has ever seen. And in that body, its simply devestating. But if you live outside of Korea, or are even in Korea but don’t watch TV, you’d have no idea, for its on the second of the two shows that I mention that she demonstrates it. I’m sure its carefully cultivated, but hell, it works on me, and after watching you won’t care less either…

Here’s a warm-up of what I mean from an ad:

Now that you’ve seen that, here is a MUST SEE from the show, with more short clips available here.

They are all from “Tray theater”, and in this one Lee Hyori and the male host are paired up with other male and female celebrities, and have to act out scences from Korean TV, getting trays dropped on their head for mistakes in their lines. I may well have convinced some of you to investigate this show further, so finally here are 3 parts of an entire show if you want.

_____________

So, a worthy subject of Korean study, yes? So, on with the oringinal translation:

이효리, ‘비키니 몸매’ 공개 ‘섹시미 철철’

[스타뉴스 2007-06-20 10:28]

Lee Hyori’s public offering of her overflowingly sexy  ’Bikini Body’ (sometime, you just have to go with a literal translation, eh?)

Star News, 2007-06-20 10:28

[머니투데이 스타뉴스 김원겸 기자]
톱스타 이효리가 바캉스 화보를 공개했다.

[MoneyToday Star News Kim Won-Gyeom Reporter]. Top star Lee Hyori presents her ‘vacation photoshoot’ photos (”바캉스 화보” really just means a photo-shoot in some exotic tropical location (it helps with the bikini wearing)).

최근 월간지 쎄씨 7월호에 ‘바캉스 화보’를 공개했던 이효리는 이번에는 화보에 실리지 않았던 미공개 컷을 공개했다.

Lee Hyori, whose photos from the vacation photoshoot were recently presented in the June Edition of the monthly magazine Ceci, is now offering all the photos.

이효리는 이번 화보에서 청순하면서도 섹시한 매력을 한껏 보여줬다.

In these previously-unseen photos, Hyori has a sexy body while appearing pure and innocent (??).

자신이 모델로 활동하는 캘빈 클라인 진을 입고 화보에 촬영에 임한 이효리는 물기를 촉촉히 머금고, 그린 컬러의 캘빈클라인 언더웨어와 다크 그레이 캘빈클라인 진 탑을 매치해 많은 노출이 없더라도 눈빛과 분위기만으로 청순과 섹시를 넘나들어 촬영 당시 베스트 컷으로 인정받았다.

Lee Hyori works for Kevin Cline as a model. In the second photo, Lee Hyori has wet hair and wearing jeans, a matching dark grey denim top, and green underwear. Even though a lot of skin isn’t exposed, just with her gaze and her presence alone she produces an amazingly sexy but also innocent look. People at the photoshoot thought this was the best picture.

촬영을 담당한 포토그래퍼 권영호 작가는 “이효리만이 표현해낼 수 있는 섹시함이 담겨져 있다”고 말했다.

According to the photographer in charge of the photoshoot, Gwon Yeong-Ho, only Lee Hyori can make this sexy expression.

한편 이효리는 지난 18일 이디오피아로 봉사활동을 떠났다. 경희대 언론대학원에 합격한 이효리는 올해는 연예활동 없이 충전기를 가질 예정이다.

Despite her glamourous image, on the 18th of May Hyori left to do some volunteer work in Ethiopia (see here for more details in English, and here for more in Korean), and this year she will be reducing her workload because she will be attending graduate school at KyungHee University.

모바일로 보는 스타뉴스 “342 누르고 NATE/magicⓝ/ez-i”

gyummy@mtstarnews.com

To see StarNews on your mobile, punch in 342 and then use either NATE, magicⓝ, or ez-i depending on your phone.

머니투데이가 만드는 리얼타임 연예뉴스
제보 및 보도자료 star@mtstarnews.com<저작권자 ⓒ 머니투데이 스타뉴스>

Realtime entertainment news brought to you by MoneyToday. If you have news, contact us at: star@mtstarnews.com. All news copyright MoneyToday StarNews.

Jeez, that was much harder than I thought. Strangely, it wasn’t as simple as my textbooks. For those of you who think you can do a better job…be my guest!

For those of you who didn’t lose interest as soon as the pictures ran out, your reward is some more pictures from the photoshoot, and Lee Hyori in her underwear with a whip.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::